Everyone looks for the elusive feeling of happiness. It’s hard to describe it because it’s fleeting us most of the time.

In my work with clients, I get curious about how one can be happy in their day to day lives. Turns out, it depends a lot on what choices you make every day, every hour and every minute of your life.

Although happiness could be determined by your genetics, a whopping 40% of how much happy you feel is in your control. Nothing happens if you don’t take action; same is with happiness.

It’s not as hard as it sounds, given you’re conscious of your decisions as you’re making them. Which brings me to the top 10 things to stop doing if you really want to be happy:

1. Not Building Strong Connections

In a study conducted, 10% of the happiest lot had supportive relationships. Science shows that having deep relationships and sharing a great bond with your family ties with high happiness rates in people. People living in Okinawa, Japan live the longest despite being poor. The secret? Their strong family ties.

If you have a good, loving circle of friends, a strong marriage and deep and meaningful connections in your life, chances are you’re happier than the average Joe.

So quit running away from lasting relationships and build more of them instead.  You’ll find a significant boost in your happy hormones!

2. Not Knowing What to Do With Your Anger

Sometimes, it’s good to vent out before bedtime. Rather than sleeping on it, express your rage (if possible) in words. Putting anger into words can well be the way to resolve it.

However, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution to it.

At other times, if possible, you may want to let it fizzle by not paying attention to it. Ignoring leads to forgetting. Again, it comes down to how you make your choices.

3. Not Chasing Your Dreams

I’ll tell you this: Chasing your dreams could be the hardest of things you ever take up. It’s tough, it’s challenging and it’s frustrating sometimes.

When I quit my J.O.B back in 2009, I was on fire to get my own business going. Each day, I faced new hiccups in my businesses, but the vision, past successes and passion kept me going.

So yes, chasing your dreams is tough job. But not chasing them? I figure that’s even harder because you die a slow death out of lack of passion. Soon, you realize you’ve stopped really living life. There’s lack of meaning and purpose. You know what you ought to be doing but it’s been so long that you’ve ignored your dreams. It’s never too late to back them up.

4. Not Being 100% Responsible

There are times when your boss pisses you off. Or your employees don’t meet your basic expectations. What do you do?

I remember a quote by my mentor: “You can either be happy or be right. What do you want to be?”

Well, I choose happy, thank you. The constant attempt to “prove” yourself right  in front of your team, your spouse, your mom, your friends is quite draining.

There is an alternative to it — take responsibility for what’s not working in your life right now. I know, sounds harsh. Are you responsible for their faults?

Well yes and no. I am not saying you’re literally responsible for what “they” do. But you are literally, 100% responsible for what happens to you and what you do as an after-effect. You sure can control that, can’t you?

Take responsibility and you’ll automatically do better next time. You’ll try to communicate more transparently; you’ll make sure you pick up the milk on the way home and basically leave no stone un-turned because you’ve discovered a secret: “I’m responsible for my own happiness!”

5. Not Treating Failure As Feedback

I’m sure you know this already but I’ll go ahead and say it nevertheless: FAILURE is not PERMANENT.

It is temporary; it is feedback.

What do you do with failure? Take it in your feedback loop, apply it and as a result, do something new this time.

If your boss is not impressed with the way you do your reports, ask them what they want instead. This does not mean you failed; it simply means you’re seeking feedback.

Next time, apply that feedback and show them your work. They’re bound to notice your amazing new attitude.

6. Not Really Listening

I always wonder if human beings have invisible antennae on their heads like cockroaches. (I sure do.) They seem to instantly pick it up when I’m not listening to them.

The next time someone’s talking and you catch yourself day-dreaming whether aliens exist, bring yourself back to earth. Apologize and promise to give them your full attention. Focus on them. Listen to what they are saying.

And for God’s sake, stop formulating responses in your head while they talk. You can always pause before answering if you have to.

7. Not Contributing

Someone once told me that teaching is the best form of learning. I live by that philosophy.

It’s so easy to consume, grasp, learn, take in without finding any need to share. If you’re reading 10 books in a year, more power to you! But what are you doing with all that knowledge?

It’s like empty calories — you take them in but they do not contribute positively to your health in any way.

A few years ago, I realized I had become a personal development junkie. I consumed so much, without releasing any of it. Now that I think of it, it was not only selfish of me but also very stupid. Argh.

We don’t know how long we’ll live or when our time’s up. Our contributions will always shine through generations after generations. If this strikes true to you, and you go ahead to share this wisdom with your children tomorrow, and they share it with their children, am I not leaving behind a legacy of sorts?

That in itself gives me goosebumps. That’s what makes me happy. That’s what I live for.

And you?

Image:  Neal.

“There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

It was 5 AM in the morning when the same group of “crazies” gathered in the garden near my house. Unafraid, they’d always participate in their “cult” in the wee hours of the day. “Not today”, I thought. I was up early to investigate what the hell they were up to. Most of them seemed above age 50, but there were younger ones as well.

The leader of the crazies waited until everyone was in, and then began the ceremony. He erupted into a sudden laughter, “Ha ha ha, hoo hoo hoo”… and slowly, his gang joined him.

In a few minutes, each of the crazies was laughing their heads off. The cult was now at its culmination, with some members rolling on the grass, laughing.

I watched in all seriousness, trying not to join them from my bedroom window. Something about their laughter; it was contagious. I shook my head to concentrate. What were they up to?

After 35 mins, they stopped, said goodbyes, and quickly dispersed. Only to come back the next morning.

***

No body could have said it better than Thich Nhat Hanh — happiness is not a destination. It’s your journey, and you can experience it right now. That, if you wanted to.

Before you expect reading with a one-size-fit-all solution for happiness from me, let me tell you that I don’t think it exists. You’re bound to have low moments. But you’re after a quick fix! Now!

Before you’re ready to curse me under your breath and shut your browser window, listen. Just as there cannot be light without the dark, happiness loses it’s meaning without challenges. By happiness, I mean that dose of excitement and high that you get every once in a while.

At its core, happiness is nothing but the release of serotonin in your body. We’re all seeking the serotonin like a drug. It’s become the latest fad.

And why not? Life’s supposed to be enjoyed, flaws and all. The odds may not be always in your favor, but you want to be so.

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s dig some ways of how to be happy today, and everyday.

1. It all Starts with a Thought

You choose how happy you are with the thoughts you think. Always wondering whether your next promotion is around the corner? Constantly worrying about how to beat your colleague’s next luxury car buy? You’re triggering more anxiety than happiness.

Thoughts lead to feelings, and most people act based on their feelings. Thoughts indirectly lead to your behavior. Your behavior, or actions, determine pretty much the rest of your life.

To intervene this chain, focus on your thoughts first.

Consider there is a field of potential all around you. Some New Age authors will call it the Universe. So, let’s say this Universe is a massive field that works with the currency of thoughts.

Thoughts in, results out. Happy thoughts, happy results. Sad thoughts, sad results.

It’s simple: Positive thoughts will make you happier, and negative thoughts will move you away from being happy.

“I can never make 6 figures!” is a negative thought you’re exchanging for a negative result from the Universe.

“I am so glad my partner understands me!” is a positive thought that leads to a spike in your happiness.

You can always replace a negative thought:

“I can never make 6 figures, but if I keep doing what I am doing and keep trying, I will get there someday.”

This thought ends with a positive note. A simple reframe using “but” leads you one step closer to happiness.

2. The Happiness Delivery Guy Isn’t Coming

We all come to this world alone, and leave alone. En route, we meet some incredibly loving people who put up with our crap (God bless them). No matter how much your mum loves you, and tries to “make” you happy, she cannot.

People who love us are on their own journey. They have their own trials and tribulations. What’s the point in relying on someone else to make you happy?

Think about the last time you had the classic case of “If only he changed, I’d be so happy”. 

Well, let me be the one to break the bad news — you won’t. Not if he changes, not if two planets got together upside down like in that movie Upside Down, not if you were delivered year-long supply of Cheetos for free.

If you believe your happiness is dependent on some event in future and there’s this happiness delivery guy to bring you a bag-full of it, wake up. There is no happiness delivery guy!

You have potential to feel happy right now. Because to feel happy, you don’t have to be happy. 

3. Smile, and the World Smiles with You

Tricking your brain into happiness is easy. Want to feel happy right now? Stand up, look in the mirror and smile. Just do it; you’ll release the happy drug serotonin in a jiffy. There, it’s proved then that you control your inner state at any given time.

Try making faces in the mirror, or jumping up and down with your kids, and you’ll automatically push your happy buttons.

The question is, do you want to? The problem is we don’t want to feel happy in the moment. We want all our problems to be taken away. We want to life the easy life. That’s like eating a bag of cookies every day and expecting to sport a lean look.

Why else would you not stand up and make faces in the mirror every time you’re low?

~

To take control over your happiness and think more positive thoughts does not mean you wear rose-tinted glasses. It means you take the responsibility for your own happiness. Because honestly, right now no one else is volunteering to do so for you.

The reason you bring yourself out of the low state is to be more empowered to act instead of just pinning your hopes on the future that you can’t control.

By the way, if you’re wondering, no, you don’t have to earn happiness. You’re entitled to it just because you are alive. 

And if nothing helps, try the cult above?

Happiness.

What is it? Where does it come from? Why does it have to be so fleeting and evasive?

No one truly knows, but those that have found it can teach us how to find it. I like to think that it’s a state of mind, rather than a place or a situation.

If you’re looking for happiness, but can’t seem to find it, or you’ve forgotten where it is, let these happiness quotes inspire you, daily if necessary:

1. “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” ― Dr. Seuss
2. “The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” – Commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin
3. “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. “Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.” ― Jacques Prévert
5. “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land
6. “If you want to be happy, be.” – Leo Tolstoy
7. “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette
8. “People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln
9. “Happiness is not something readymade. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV
10. “Seven Deadly Sins: Wealth without work. Pleasure without conscience. Science without humanity. Knowledge without character. Politics without principle. Commerce without morality. Worship without sacrifice.” ― Mahatma Gandhi
11. “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus
12. “Happiness is never stopping to think if you are.” ― Palmer Sondreal
13. “Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.” ― John Lennon
14. “There’s nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
15. “The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.” ― Audrey Hepburn
16. “If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien
17. “Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
18. “Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.” ― Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness
19. “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust
20. “I’ve got nothing to do today but smile.” ― Paul Simon
21. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
22. “The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.” ― James Openheim
23. “Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.” ― Mark Twain
24. “Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get” ― W.P. Kinsella
25. “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” ― Margaret Young
26. “It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” ― L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables
27. “Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne
28. “We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.” ― Frederick Keonig
29. “Happiness is a direction, not a place.” ― Sydney J. Harris
30. “A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour.” ― Author Unknown
31. “There is no cosmetic for beauty like happiness.” ― Lady Blessington
32. “Happiness held is the seed; happiness shared is the flower.” ― Author Unknown
33. “If you search the world for happiness, you may find it in the end, for the world is round and will lead you back to your door.” – Robert Brault
34. “Plant seeds of happiness, hope, success, and love; it will all come back to you in abundance. This is the law of nature.” ― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience
35. “The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ― Carlos Castaneda
36. “There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power or our will.” ― Epictetus
37. “What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life’s pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.” ― Joseph Addison
38. “Happiness does not come from without, it comes from within.” ― Helen Keller
39. “I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” ― Martha Washington
40. “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt
41. “The way I define happiness is being the creator of your experience, choosing to take pleasure in what you have, right now, regardless of the circumstances, while being the best you that you can be.” ― Leo Babauta
42. “Happiness is not a life without pain, but rather a life in which the pain is traded for a worthy price.” ― Orson Scott Card, Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus
43. “Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
44. “It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.” ― Margaret Bonanno
45. “Remember this, that very little is needed to make a life happy.” ― Marcus Aurelius
46. “I wake up every morning with a great desire to live joyfully.” ― Anna Howard Shaw
47. “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” – Buddha
48. “Happiness is the art of never holding in your mind the memory of any unpleasant thing that has passed.” – Author Unknown
49. “Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” – Stacey Charter
50. It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” ― Lucille Ball
51. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ― Tich Nhat Hanh

Image by Celestine Chua.

This time I am back again with a round-up of the coolest Happiness + Motivational posts on the Net for this week. Please read and leave a comment which ones you enjoyed the most!

6 Best Happiness + Positive Living Posts this Week

1. The Greatest Lesson I’ve Learned: When and where does the search for happiness end? Does it even end? This post is written beautifully, where the author shares how ticking goal after goal after goal still leaves you feeling empty inside. Could it be that this drive for “more” is actually stopping us from being happy now? What do you think?

2. The Best Way to Change Your Habits? Control Your Environment: Like everyone, I’ve had some habits that I am not proud of. Sometimes, I’ll sleep in. I procrastinate. I can be a personal development junkie. Reading this post made me reflect how I’ve overcome some not-so-amazing habits in past — changing the environment — and I trust you’ll agree also. Read it and then come back to share your thoughts.

3. Five Positive Things People Forget When They’re Down and Out: We all go through ups and downs in life. We lose confidence, we fail, we fall, we are afraid. This post shares 5 things you tend to forget when the going gets tough. I loved pick-me-up #1 the most!

4. How to Inspire Others W/o Saying a Word: To some extent, I agree with this post. Why waste words when the same can be said with much higher impact with an example? Personally, I feel stories work even better in place of examples, but I get what the author is saying and urge you to read it too.

5. Why Did This Man Work for 36 Hours Straight? Could workaholic-ism be a solution to come out of procrastination? Hmm. It’s interesting to ponder. To each his own, so if working straight 36 hours helps this entrepreneur, then why not do it? But only time can tell if this is a long-term strategy or a one-time tactic. Your thoughts?

6. The Best Way to Be More Confident: Finally, someone who gets confidence! I was nodding when I read “confidence is situational”. You may be confident in your “tribe” but when you’re put in a new group, the equation changes. The post also picks some helpful passages from Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic’s book Confidence.

You will also enjoy the last Round Up Post.

Image by zahin_muhamad9207.

I am back with a round-up of the coolest Happiness + Positive Living posts on the Net for this week. Please read and leave a comment which one you enjoyed the most! I loved number 1, 2 & 5 the most.

6 Best Happiness + Positive Living Posts this Week

1. The Myth of Passion and Motivation: Do you have problems staying focused on your goals for long? Do you get easily bored working on your goals? Everyone feels the lack of motivation, but it seems the difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t is pretty simple: The former group is OK with boredom — could that be the missing secret? Read more to find out.

2. The Avocado Theory: This one cracks me up! Do you know how avocados tease you into playing the “come eat me not” and “not yet” game? Unlike other fruits, avocados are the hardest to understand. When are they ready to be eaten? Takes a seasoned player to know that. Men, it seems, are similar. Intrigued? Then go, read the post!

3. 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal: Indeed, they don’t teach you how to have good, nourishing relationships in school. Sigh. The author shares straight advice in this piece, and know what? Most of it clicks with me as true!

Related: The Science of Self-Improvement and Positive Relationships

4. How to Complain Less: The author runs a blog on minimalism and although I haven’t (yet) converted into a minimalist, I love the simple but effective advice of how to stop complaining and being happy with what is. Love it.

5. Ever Worry You Have No Purpose In Life? No purpose in life? No problem! The author shares some deep self-reflective questions to ponder. Read the post to find out what to do if you’re feeling purposeless lately.

6. Why Some People Always Focus On The Negative: Ever have a friend who constantly worries or thinks the world hates them? Perhaps, they are focusing too much on the negative. The author, a whistleblower, shares some latest, in-depth research on why some people are like that. Is it because of our education, the environment, something in our genes? Is it contagious? For answers, read the post.

Which one’s your favorite?

Image by Pink Sherbet Photography.

MindValley is one of my favourite companies in the personal development industry. Recently, they surveyed 20,000 people on the most important Life Skill and the education they received on it.

The result? Astonishing, yet when you think about it, it is believable. The BIGGEST gap was in the area of Happiness and Positive Living. This means that the gap between how much people valued this skill and how much they learned about it was the biggest.

Alternative Healing came second followed by Wealth & Abundance.

Check out the infographic below to peek at the 5 Life Skills that scoured the biggest gaps and take your own quiz here.

[Click infographic to expand]

[Click infographic to expand]

What Life Skills mean the most to you and how would you like to educate yourself more? Share your comments below!

Image by suvival198.

Here is a round-up of the coolest Happiness + Motivation posts on the Net for this week. Please read and leave a comment which one you enjoyed the most! I particularly loved number 1, 2 & 4!

7 Best Happiness + Motivation Posts this Week

1. How to Begin Rebuilding Your Life and Make It Ridiculously Amazing: This article shares 12 most important things you can do to turnaround your life. I loved the author’s “commitment letter to yourself”. I’ve fond that once you commit to yourself, the little nagging voice (mini-me) in your head won’t let you cheat! I also like her thoughts about giving yourself permission to fail. Check it out to see if you relate.

2. 10 Ways to Make the Rest of Today Amazing: How can you make the rest of your day even better than is it? Do the 10 things in this post. I can especially relate to #4 — spend one hour on something that gets you in “flow”.

3. 12 Things Happy People Do Differently — And Why I Started Doing Them: The author went through a quarter-life crisis at age 24, quit his job, moved to Hawaii and in his words, “got very serious about discovering what made me tick”. Wow! That is some goal. I love how he asks you to kill social comparison because it is the cause of low self-esteem and unhappiness.

4. 15 Things You Can Do to Start Living the Life of Your Dreams: What’s the biggest adventure you can indulge in? Chasing your goals! And how do you do that? One of the ways, according to this article, is to think in terms of possibilities and not limitations. There’s more nuggets like “focus on things you can control”, so go ahead and read it.

5. Are You Wasting Your 10,000 Hours? A quick read, this article educates you in “deliberate practice” — what it is and what it isn’t. For example, when you’re working, it is engaging what you already know. When you’re playing, the goal is to play and lose ourselves by being in the zone. Deliberate practice is something different, and the author explains it best.

6. 4 Terrifying Lessons We Only Learn as We Age (and How to Accept Them): There’s no sugar-coating in this one — if you’re ready to find out the harshest truths of life and how to make good use of them in your own life, give this one a go.

7. Let’s Crush the Fluffy Self-help Bullshit: The self-help industry has a habit of repeating what’s already said a zillion times. Why? I think because humans need repetitions until we truly embody and embrace what is being said. But sometimes, this can send a wrong message. We get stuck in the self-help learning mode only — but the best learning is by doing! The author does go over the top, but has a point. Also don’t miss the comment section for a great mental kick!

Your Turn!

What key lessons did you learn from the above posts? Share your thoughts below.

Image by Josef Seibel.

Here is a collection of the best Happiness + Motivation posts doing the rounds of the Net this week. Please read and leave a comment which one did you find the most helpful.

7 Best Happiness + Motivation Posts on the Net: Round-Up

1. Things Successful People Do on Monday Morning  This article gathers tips from different people who have “made it” in their respective fields. Check out some refreshing ways to kickstart your week (it’s not what you think!). My personal favorite is “take advantage of the commute”. You bet!

2. Not Happy Is OK, Too  It seems like pretty much any where you go, you meet “happiness proponents”. But let’s face it: Trying to be happy 100% of the times could be exhausting, not to mention fake. This article gives no BS advice on what to do at such times.

3. Why Personal Development Is the Best Investment You’ll Ever Make  To accomplish goals, get things done and build an amazing business, you first need to embrace the attitude of the person who is able to achieve it all. How? Embrace personal development. Well said in this post!

4. The Happiness Habit  Learn the eight happiness habits through this post. Highly recommended.

5. Top 20 Motivation Hacks  A series of short posts talking about each hack. You may have heard of most of the hacks before, but the series is a good reminder and the author uses personal life examples to make his point.

6. Re-Train Your Brain to Overcome “Microwave Mentality”  The post shares a great message: “Anything worth doing is worth doing right”. And it tells you how to do so. For starters, it has a lot to do with breaking and writing down your goals.

7. Finding the Upside When Life Is Upside Down  The author shares three “reality checks” when things get tough — Look for a silver lining, choices affect outcome, change your perspective to change the result.

What key lessons did you learn from the above personal development posts? Share your personal perspective in the comments below.

Image by PatrickLim1996.

I am basically an optimistic person. I have to be. I make most of my living as a freelance writer. If I didn’t believe that eventually somebody would take my next pitch or query I would have to go and get a real job.

But that doesn’t mean I am blindly positive about the future, of my work or the world that my children unfortunately will get to inherit. I have deep concerns about both.

Yet, it somehow helps me get along better with the committee inside my head when I look at the glass as being half-full rather than half-empty. Both statements are true but thinking I have more instead of less encourages me, and as a self-motivator I need all the help I can get.

For example, I’d get more energy from friends and colleagues who tend to be optimistic versus pessimistic about life in general. Debbie and Danny Downer don’t inspire me to do better. If I listened to them, well, I would have just given up by now.

Even my mild form of optimism gives me an advantage in this dog-eat-dog world. You do your best and then send it out into the world with good intentions and hopes for the best.

Sometimes the world (or some grouchy editor in my case) is not ready for your feat of brilliance – but that’s okay too. Your positivity will allow you to accept minor defeats graciously, thank them for their time, and move on to the next challenge until you are finally “successful” – measured by whatever success means to you.

United States President Barack Obama is fond of saving that while he strongly believes in hope, and it seems to be working for him since he’s won two elections on this theme. Hope is not blind optimism.

Blind optimism is better than having no hope at all. When you’re down to your last chance, two out and a full count in the ninth inning in baseball parlance, you have to believe in something. And when you do, something good almost always happens.

Be Optimistic to Live Longer

So that’s my thinking. What do the experts say? According to the New York Times researchers at Harvard University have determined that being optimistic is not just good for your mental health, but also benefits your physical well-being.

These researchers reviewed 200 studies that looked at the correlation between cardiovascular risks and emotional states and found that when people had optimism or hope they had a reduced risk of heart disease and stroke.

Not only that, other studies have shown that positive people can cope with serious diseases and ailments like cancer better than pessimists; they respond better to treatment and their full recovery rates are much higher. Still more surveys show that optimistic people live longer and are more financially successful than those who have a negative attitude.

So I guess the motto should be something like: be optimistic, live long and prosper? Funny, I didn’t realize that Spock was actually an optimist.

How to Become Optimistic

If you are truly a pessimist at heart, don’t give up hope just yet. Geoffrey James, writing in INC says that you can train your brain to be optimistic. In his view we all have rules in our heads that guide our thinking.

Pessimists have rules that allow them to be miserable and make it difficult to be happy. Optimists have a completely different approach. James says that we have to re-train our brains to think optimistically.

The good news is that you can do that by following a number of basic steps to re-wire your thinking. Here is a summary of those suggestions.

1. Write down what you are doing now (your rules)

Using a pen or pencil and paper write down what situations make you happy  and those that don’t. What are you really feeling in these situations? Make your list, but keep it simple. There are no right or wrong answers.

2. Examine the results

Is what you are you doing right now working for you? Do your rules for when you are happy or sad make sense to you? For example do you give yourself permission to get upset or go negative easily, like when you are stuck in traffic?

Is it really worth it to go so negative about something that happens every day? On the other hand, are your rules of standards for being happy so high that you can almost never reach them? If so, then you need to make changes.

3. Write down some different rules

Here’s the hard part. It’s time to separate out old feelings and thinking that doesn’t work for you with new and positive ideas. Your new rules should clarify when you think it is reasonable for you to be positive or negative. Geoffrey James’ suggested format is:

• I am happy when [event].
• I am miserable only when [event].

4. Get rid of (even burn) your old rules

Burning is an ancient ritual for letting go of something. So let go of your pessimism already.

Burn, baby, burn.

5. Post your new rules in a prominent place at work

This process only works if repeated over time and only if you keep it at the forefront of your thinking. That’s why you stick it on your office wall or on your cubicle. Your mind is now open to the possibility of optimism. But only if you do the work.

So when you think about it you might as well be optimistic. What have you got to lose? As Winston Churchill once said “I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else.”

So if you are an optimist how do you maintain your positivity in a negative situation? Drop us a line, we’d love to hear from you.

Image by *Bárbara* Cannnela.