The mind works in miraculous ways. Even a sceptic will agree to it.

Have you ever noticed how what you focus on is what you get? For some of us, it just takes a few hours; for some, it takes a few days or weeks.

But what you focus on is eventually what you get.

Personally, I’ve known this for far too long, but still have had the guts to ignore the principle and name it “just a coincidence”.

But you and I both know there is something beyond us that, when tapped into, delivers what you ask.

The first step is to ask.

It means you deliberately focus on what you want. It is to invest your full energy and emotion into making it clear in no uncertain terms that I WANT THIS NOW.

It takes a level of frustration about your current situation. You need to be so tired, so darned of the current situation that every bit of you desires the change.

A Personal Story

A few years ago, I was working at a well-paying, stable IT job. I was trusted by my manager; I finished my work on time and didn’t ask for a raise in years. I had even found a compromise where I worked just enough so my manager was happy, but not to let him assign me more challenging work.

Internally, I was dead bored of my life. My life felt flat like a brick. I had no passion, no want, no desire left. You wouldn’t be crossing a line if you called me a living zombie back then.

One day, the frustration was up to the brim that I couldn’t take it anymore. I had just gone through a bitter breakup, so it meant the only thing I looked forward to in my life was gone too – poof!

After a couple months, I was still hurting and sat down in my balcony to write in my journal. I remember clearly talking to the “universe”, asking it, demanding it, begging it to get me out of this rut.

That evening, I wrote my future – literally. I asked this: I want to meet someone who supports me in pursuing a new career field; who loves me and respect me. I also asked moving away from India, my home country, for a while.

That was in May 2009. In November that year, I quit my job to pursue freelance writing. The same time, I also met my now-husband who was living in Australia. In March 2010, I moved Down Under to join him.

You can call it a coincidence, the mysterious functioning of the RAS (Reticular Articulating System), or anything you like. It doesn’t matter. What matters is to observe the series of steps it takes to change something that you’re not happy about.

When you’re in the deepest rut, you either desire change as if your life depends on it, or you think of yourself as the problem, aka rut, itself.

Guess what happens when you think of yourself as the problem? You are given more of it. You focus on the deep shit, believing that there is no way out. You keep getting more.

But then your innate needs kick in. As a human being, you are naturally wired to look at life positively no matter how much you deny it. You are human enough to hope. So there is this one moment when you bounce back.

It is the silver lining when you desire something else. You ask for it. Perhaps it is through meeting someone who has it all. Perhaps it is because a TV commercial or a blurb at the back of a book. For a split second, now you believe that you too could have it all. That’s when the magic happens. You’ve just experienced a shift in the mindset.

The second step is to wait.

The more you shift your focus away from purely desiring what you want, the more you wait. In my case, I waited from May to November (although the seed was sown well before May). So I waited for six months at least.

You need to course-correct yourself at every step. If you don’t, you’re only going to take more time.

The third step is to receive.

When something amazing knocks at your door, don’t be a schmuck or overly modest. Don’t get stuck in “oh I don’t know. Do I deserve this?” mindset.

In the above three steps, mindset is key. You have to be in the mindset of “Yes, I am ready”. When I met my partner, I didn’t analyse him too much out of habit. When the opportunity to move to Australia knocked at my door, I didn’t think twice. When the chance to start my own business presented itself, I jumped in.

Just as a thermostat will determine the temperature of the room, your mindset will determine your life situations. If your thermostat is set at a really low temperature, guess what you’ll get? Coldness.

You choose the temperature that is most comfortable for you. Similarly, your mindset will let you choose the most amazing experiences, and keep bringing more to you, if you adjust it properly.

So my question is where is your mindset now? Look at the different areas of your life and determine your personal thermostat setting.

Do you enjoy it the current mindset setting? Do you think it’s getting too cold? Too hot? If so, what do you want to do next?

Image by Shermeee.

I am back with a round-up of the coolest Happiness + Positive Living posts on the Net for this week. Please read and leave a comment which one you enjoyed the most! I loved number 1, 2 & 5 the most.

6 Best Happiness + Positive Living Posts this Week

1. The Myth of Passion and Motivation: Do you have problems staying focused on your goals for long? Do you get easily bored working on your goals? Everyone feels the lack of motivation, but it seems the difference between those who achieve their goals and those who don’t is pretty simple: The former group is OK with boredom — could that be the missing secret? Read more to find out.

2. The Avocado Theory: This one cracks me up! Do you know how avocados tease you into playing the “come eat me not” and “not yet” game? Unlike other fruits, avocados are the hardest to understand. When are they ready to be eaten? Takes a seasoned player to know that. Men, it seems, are similar. Intrigued? Then go, read the post!

3. 6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal: Indeed, they don’t teach you how to have good, nourishing relationships in school. Sigh. The author shares straight advice in this piece, and know what? Most of it clicks with me as true!

Related: The Science of Self-Improvement and Positive Relationships

4. How to Complain Less: The author runs a blog on minimalism and although I haven’t (yet) converted into a minimalist, I love the simple but effective advice of how to stop complaining and being happy with what is. Love it.

5. Ever Worry You Have No Purpose In Life? No purpose in life? No problem! The author shares some deep self-reflective questions to ponder. Read the post to find out what to do if you’re feeling purposeless lately.

6. Why Some People Always Focus On The Negative: Ever have a friend who constantly worries or thinks the world hates them? Perhaps, they are focusing too much on the negative. The author, a whistleblower, shares some latest, in-depth research on why some people are like that. Is it because of our education, the environment, something in our genes? Is it contagious? For answers, read the post.

Which one’s your favorite?

Image by Pink Sherbet Photography.

Imagine the most positively motivated person you have ever met and ask them if they had always been this motivated.

The answer would probably be a no. Most people face a slump in their personal and/or professional life. And it is very much likely that the person you admire felt unmotivated and uninspired when hardships came calling.

But what separates achievers from non-achievers is their ability to quickly stand up after taking a hit. There are no common ways to deal with tough situations. Each person reacts to adversity differently.

For the time when the going gets tough, here are a few tips to help you get back to action once again quickly and truly. Take a look:

1. Focus on one goal at a time

People often lose motivation when they have too much going on in their lives. Juggling too many things at the same time can be taxing, physically as well as psychologically.

If this is the case with you, reset your priorities and try not to focus on more than a few things at one time. As counterintuitive as it may appear, this way you will be able to do more in less time.

2. Keep yourself active

Did you know that individuals who exercise regularly are more successful? Yes, that’s right. Busy as you may be, make it a point to take some time off daily to do something physical.

And I am not talking about frequent walks from your work desk to the coffee machine and back here. What you need to do is religiously follow a mild exercise regime, be it power walking, jogging, lifting weights, or yoga.

3. Read inspirational books

Sales reports and annual reports you read in plenty, but they are hardly inspirational, unless, of course, they contain favorable figures and you happen to own the company.

When circumstances are tough, and even at other times, inspirational books can be of huge help. Besides motivating you, these books may serve as a road map for overcoming your personal obstacles.

4. Make a public commitment

Some of the highly motivated people in the world find their motivation from others around them. If your own personal commitment does not seem to working, commit to a goal in front of others.

Not many like to look bad in front of others, and sharing your goals with others will give you additional motivation for completing what you have started.

That said, making it public may be a double-edged sword. When you’re starting out, you only want to announce your goals to the most supportive people who have your best interest at heart, and that is a smart thing to do.

5. Keep things small in the beginning

If you find yourself unable to reach your goals despite best efforts, you may be aiming too high. Instead of trying to achieve the unattainable, break your goals into smaller goals and work towards achieving them.

Although your goals are smaller, you are more likely to succeed, and the confidence you get upon achieving them will eventually prepare for you bigger, more challenging goals.

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Like everything else, motivation too is not always the same. There will be times when you may feel unmotivated. These are the times when you must dig deep and carry on and remember success is never too far for people who persevere.

How do YOU get motivated toward your goals? Share with us in the comments.

Image by SweetOnVeg.

Until about 4 years back, family and friends found me ever busy and my professional front was always spilling. Ironically, the harder I tried, the more I failed on both fronts.

I was skilled, did not spend one task-less minute, and lived self-effaced. I was an epitome of dedication. What was amiss then?

The right work methodology! My mistake, I was trying the same failed fundamentals with more earnest each time. I was questioning my efforts, but not my work methods. Does it sound familiar to you?

After fully becoming conscious of what this was costing me, I sat down and analyzed my work rules. I replaced them with new ones that suited my life much better.

Today, as I write this, my writing business has grown well; I have set up my other venture of Indian handicrafts; I pursue my passions of traveling, learning about different cultures and the arts, cooking, and writing; I get my solitude; I socialize or network, and I spend time with my family and friends. Life largely looks sorted, beautiful, and productive.

I may not be 100% efficient always, but I am quite there most of the time. You too can. I am sharing my magic list with you here. Hope you too will find it helpful.

Plan.

For a restless soul, planning is a drag – it’s boring and a total time waste. But in fact, the benefits of planning increase with the complexity of the task.

Walking to the kitchen to pour yourself a cup of coffee may not require much planning, but creating your personal budget does. Preparing a project flow plan does. When you outline a process, you visualize your goal and the factors influencing it.

Planning helps boost the favorable factors and minimize the workflow bottlenecks. It’s where you start. So get planning first!

Organize Work.

Divide your work in small, simple, but logically arranged tasks to be executed in a sequence. This way tracking a job’s status and debugging it become easy. Be it payroll management or throwing a party, efficiency will be your best friend.

Delegate.

It’s okay to take help. It does not decimate your competence. Instead, it endorses your management skills. We often waste time delivering basic tasks rather than working on the strategic ones.

For example, hiring a housekeeper leaves you with some time for family, friends, and yourself. Similarly, recruiting operations executives helps a project manager focus on client relationship management and exploring ways to grow.    

Multitask Sensibly.

Multitasking can be a real timesaver. The jobs must fit in together, though. To be honest, there is no such thing as simultaneous tasks. Some processes are self-regulatory and the time you save here can be used for other work.

For example, while your washing machine runs, you can utilize the time for any other indoor task. Alternatively, you can continue working on your workstation, while the printer does its job.

On the other hand, it is an inefficient idea to put your pot to boil, while you give your baby a bath upstairs. You may end up with the overflowing curry or your child left in the bathroom all by herself.

The trick is, correctly estimate the time a task takes. Do not try to utilize every second you have to wait for a process. Keep some buffer and you are good to go!

Focus.

This age-old tool ensures twofold successes each time. Firstly, you take less time than you would if you spent time simultaneously on other things too. Secondly, you work better.

Focus can help you discover your newer limits. You not only improve the current results but also set the stage for future.

Related: Find Your Focus -- End Procrastination Without Willpower

Practice.

Practice hard to gain speed and accuracy. The idea is to learn or develop smarter techniques as you work.

Look for More Tricks to Work Better.

Devise smarter work methods. Be receptive to others’ suggestions. Be flexible to adopt and implement noteworthy changes.

Your ultimate goal is to work faster and better, irrespective of whose method you work on. Being rigid here is not worth your ego. Office automation is a concrete example of someone’s revolutionary idea changing the workplace scenario.

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These were my steps to work efficiency. We all deserve personal growth. So breathe, work, and feel happy about your life. You can do this by learning how to work better.

What other nifty tips do you have to work better? Eager to hear your story

Get more productive working on your business. Grab the Proven Lifestyle Business Productivity Blueprint here.

If you enjoyed this article, please share this story on Facebook and 
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Image by visualpanic.

You might also like: How to Beat Procrastination Permanently + Get the Results You Want.

“Are you even listening?” she asked with a confused look on her face.

“Yes, of course. . .go on.”

“Well, I just told you everything. What do you think?”

Uh oh. Really? Did you say everything? Then how come it seems I never heard a word?

Everyone loves to be listened. To be understood, to be interesting. In our hearts of heart, we are really simple creatures who want attention. Attention boosts our ego and helps us feel better about ourselves.

Think about it: Don’t you just love it when a friend, your spouse or colleague really pays attention and listens to you? You feel valued and worthy of their time. And you develop a liking for them.

There is a fine distinction between appearing to be a good listener and being one. I see many people on a daily basis, and when I first started behavioural coaching, I found it hard to be there for them and listen. Quite frankly, I struggled with the question of how to listen to someone.

For starters, it’s natural to be tempted to think about our response while some one is talking. Or we interrupt them with [insert cool idea here] as they are talking. Remember the last time someone did that to you? You lost the train of thought and felt they were being a moron.

The following simple techniques came to my rescue when I was distracted when someone spoke. As if by magic, these techniques worked every time I applied them.

People started opening up more easily. They were warm. It was as if we were both speaking the same language!

To be in tune with others and understand how to listen to someone, try the following steps and let me know what you think:

1. Be focussed

Really focus on where they are coming from. Many times, a lot is left unsaid and you have to read between the lines. Focus on them, not on you. Dale Carnegie rightly said, “To be interesting, be interested.”

How can you be interested? Many ways. Stop the continuous mental chatter that’s going on in your head as they speak. “It’s so cold today, wonder how’s the weather tomorrow?”, “I really got to finish that assignment tonight”, “What’s for dinner?”

As you’re lost in engaging your mini-me (the small voice that yaps non-stop), you speaker senses it. You appear as distracted, although externally you may be doing everything right.

Humans are great multi-taskers – you’d be nodding and verbally acknowledging them. But if you do not really listen, they’ll know. People pick up vibes easily.

2. Be OK with silence

One of the principles in coaching is to be quiet and wait even though there has been a long pause. This is to respect the other person and be there for them whole-heartedly. It’s a muscle you develop with practice.

Silence is uncomfortable. When listening to someone, it’s natural to want to interrupt them as soon as there the speaker pauses. By doing that, we feel we’re extending our support to that person.

But what really happens is that the speaker may want to add something or is not yet finished. By interrupting, you rob yourself of an opportunity to understand them better and build a great relationship.

Instead, be patient, nod and wait for your turn or until they ask you a question. I know it sounds unnatural. But it will work wonders for you.

3. Be curious

Curiosity is a great quality to have. Be really curious about them. Probe them in a way they feel in tune with you. Questioning is a powerful skill and it can help you win lots of friends.

If there’s something you need more information on, ask questions and make it easier for them to answer it by asking at the right time.

Don’t question when they are doing the talking. Questioning is a skill and when done right, it can make the person feel valued and understood. But use it with caution. You don’t want to appear as overly interrogative or impatient.

Not only can you probe them but you can ask great questions to yourself too. Understand their stance by asking yourself, “Why did they say that? What’s their POV? What’s left unsaid? What’s implicit?” You get the drift.

4. Mirror

Mirroring is a great technique that I first learned from Tony Robbins. Most sales people use it to build rapport. Basically, you become the mirror for other person. If they are leaning forward with head tilted slightly toward their right, you’d do the same except as in a mirror image of this: lean forward with head slightly tilted toward left.

Mirroring is not to be overdone or done too literally (otherwise they will think you are mimicking J) Instead, make it subtle. You can extend it to “micro-actions” such as blinking of their eyes, breathing rate, facial movements etc.

When you bring in mirroring techniques with your listening skills, you will find people open up to you much faster and easily. In other words, it’s a non-verbal pact of building trust on a subconscious level.

5. Look for the message within message

As I mentioned before, a lot is being said but not everything is verbal. To understand how to listen better, look beyond the words. Listen intently with your heart.

Make mental note of their gestures as they speak – Was that a shuffle of discomfort in their chair as they spoke about their daughter? Did their eyes just twinkle as they mentioned that “may be” business idea?

By paying attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues, you will be far better off as a great listener.

6. Rephrase

To be on the same page, keep checking in at intermittent intervals by rephrasing what they said up until now. You don’t have to repeat everything to them from the start – just the important highlights. Also don’t use monotone and their exact sentences because it may appear as if you’re mimicking them.

In coaching, I keep checking in with the person I am sitting with and establish rapport as we talk. I will use a phrase such as “So what I am hearing you say. . .”, “So what I am seeing here is. . .” etc.

7. Match their modality

Every person has a dominant modality that they use. Major modalities most people use are Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic (VAK). There is another modality known as Auditory Digital but it’s made of the first three, so we’ll focus on those.

When rephrasing or questioning, make sure you match their dominant modality. So if they keep using visual words such as “I saw that as an insult” “Can you visualize how beautiful it was?” “It was so picturesque!” If they tend to use a lot of graphic components and imagery in their language, they are Visual person, so you match them by using similar words.

An auditory person might say something like, “His words were music to my ears” “I didn’t like the sound of it” “Her tone was harsh”.

A kinaesthetic person is feeling or doing-based. In other words, their internal world is made of feelings and or “doing” words. They’d often say something like, “It feels soft as fur”, “It was out of my grasp – I gave up!” “I grappled with the issue at work.”

The better you match their modalities, the easier it gets to understand their model of the world and be a great listener.

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I consistently apply these techniques in my relationships. It’s easy to lose focus, but as soon as I catch my mind wandering, I bring it back by using the tips above.

How do you listen to someone you care about? Please share your tips with us!

If you enjoyed this article, please share this story on Facebook and 
RT on twitter. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter. Subscribe to receive email updates. Thank you for your support!

Image by visualpanic.